Ma7adesh ye2dar yenker el dor el kebeer ely el 7okooma bet3melo for our lovely and beloved (or so i assume) country. Bas el wa7ed nefso besara7a el 7okooma ta7'od agaza shwya…mish 3ashan 7aga, bas 3ashan el nas (el heya el 7okooma tab3an) sha2yana we ta3bana tol el nahar fa men 7a2aha ta7'od agaza…..we 3ashan ye3rafo yetla3o agaza, lazem 7ad yemsek makanhom…fa men el a7'er…
Men el Nahrda Mafeesh 7okooma…Ana el 7okooma!
We bema eny mish hakoon 3ayza adaya3 wa2t teweel 3ashan al7a2 abl ma amsek el mohema el gedida bta3ty fa akeed fe 7agat lazem a3melha besor3a we awelha…
Haroo7 azoor we asalem 3ala kol el nas we kol so7aby we 7abyby ely ha3od wa2t keteeeeeeeerrrr awi mashofhomsh…..asly madmansh ha7'rog men el 7okooma tany emta….asl ta2reban el 7okooma feha bab do7'ool we mafeesh exit door….we 3ala ra2y el masal ely bey2ol….howa de7'ool el 7amam zy 7'orogo…el 7amam el wa7ed bey7'rog meno merta7…wel 7okooma el wa7ed bey7'rog menha 3ala ra7a abadeya bardak!
Ba3d el salam wel kalam….kda ba2a nebtedy el sho3'l el mateen we wa7da wa7da ha2dar a3ady bel balad de le bar el aman 3ala masafet ma yeegy el karn el 22 kda….maho mafeesh 7aga be3eeda 3ala rabena.
Besm Allah al ra7man al ra7eem we hanebda2 el Leila…… Karana na7no bema howa 2aty:
1- Han2el magles el sha3b wel shora le makan fe nos el sa7ara…el nas el 3ayza te3tasem ba2a we tebat henak…teroo7 tetnayel fe west el sa7ara….bas maygoosh fe west el walad yewa2afo el taree2 lel raye7 yeshof masal7o we ash3'alo….7'alas 7'aleeko henak ba2a e3tasemo we e3melo el ento 3ayzeeno le7ad ma neshof hansaketko ezay men 3'eer ma nedelko matalebko! Asl shakl el nas ebtadet testa7laha a3da we kol men hab we dab haye3mely e3tesam….we 3ala eh waaga3 el dema3'…ana a3melohom makan special ya3tasemo feh ganb el magles el gedid….we a7'aly el nas testarza2 menhom…negeeb 3arabeyet foul we koshary we wa7ed ye3melohom shay….we tamam el tamam….yo3odo henak yenafa3o el nas el 3'alaba deh…we ya3tasemo bera7et-hom we fe nafs el wa2t mangebsh za7ma fe west el balad aktar men keda…..we ahy masla7a bardo eno Ahmed Ezz yet7a'ne2 fe magels el sha3b lewa7do fe west el sa7ara howa we ba2eet el shabab beto3 el magles men 3'eer ma 7ad yesam3hom!
2- Ha7'aly kol a7zab el mo3arda te2ool ra2yaha be montaha el 7oreya….we ha7'aly el e7'wan yeb2o akbar men el 7ezb el watany Kaman we leehom amaken fe magles el sha3b keteera awi zy ma homa 3ayzeen….laken ely mish har7amhom ba2a……ay wa7ed haybayen no2tet 3'aba2 aw yetkalem we howa aslan 3'aby…da ba2a mish bs hawadeeh el mo3ta2al…wala amn el dawla....la2, el mo3ta2al we amn el dawla ra7ma bel nesbalo….ana hasalat 3alih zabet malyan 3o2ad nafseya mekalka3a we aboh we omo kano beydrabooh we howa so3'ayar we kamaaannn 3ando 7ekd tabaky we malyan 3'el 3ayez yetala3o 3al nas…… el zabet el sokkara dah ba2a haya7'od el 3'aby men dool 3ando kda fel 2esm we haseebo yedala3o be ma3refto…we hadeelo kol el sala7eyat!! The Government's New Slogan would be: Ma3an le Nag3al Masr Bela A3'beya2!!!! Asta7mel ay 7aga fel donia ela el 3'aba2!
3- Ha7ot ba2a restrictions le ay 7ad yesta3mel el mowasalat el 3ama…..ay wa7ed hayerkab ay mowasalat men 3'eer ma yekoon mesta7amy abl ma yenzel el sob7…….wala yekon mesta7amy 7ata el sob7 we ma7atesh deodorant fa re7to ba2et 3ara2 3ala ba3d el dohr.….hayetshad men 2afah we yetmene3 men rekoob ay mowasla 3ama le ba2eet 7ayato!!! we 3ala Allah ashem re7eet wa7ed mish mesta7amy, bas beystazka we 3amel feha mesta7amy we 7atetly perfume men betoo3 "asans shadia"…da ba2a wala ta2beeda hatkafeeh 3ekab!! we 3ashan nesahel lel mowataneeen mawdoo3 el 7omoom….hanwaza3 sabona hedeya ma3a ay 7ad ye3mel aboneeh fe ay mowaasla….we Kaman hanwaza3 deodrants for free….we 3ashan ya3ny ner7am el nas shwya bardo…..ha3mel makan 3and kol maw2af autobees aw microbaass we ma7atat el metro…wel makan dah haykoon feh shower we saboon we shampoo wel 7agat ely el nas bet7'af testa7'demha deh…3ashan ely nesy yesta7ama el sob7…hadeelo forsa a7'era we mayeb2ash 3ando 7egga!
4- Ay wa7ed beyshrab sagayer we 3eyalo el so3'ayareen a3deen ma3ah fe nafs el 2oda…. aw ay 7ad yekoon metgawez badry abl so7abo….we yekoon 3ayez yo7'rog ma3a so7ab fa ye2oom ya7'od 3eyalo yefasa7hom ma3ah fel cafehat el feha shisha we sagayer…..dol ba2a ha3mel karar a7'odhom we a7otohom fe 2oda ma2foola mafeehash wala shebak wala ay makan yed7'ol meno nesmet hawa….we hageeeb shellet nas betshrab sagayer 7aree2a yenfo7'o fel 2oda deh men bara….we howa yo3od ba2a lewa7do gowa zy el kalb men 3'eer ma yekoon ma3ah wala segara! La2 we ha7'aleehom kaman yenfo7'o do7'an sagayer cleopatra!!
5- Zy ma ro7'set el 3arabeya beykoon maktoob 3aliha rakam el shaseeh 3ashan ma7adesh ye3raf yebee3 3arabeya masroo2a….ha3mel karar gomhoory eno el 3arabeyat el BMW wel Mercedes tenzel be unique number maktoob 3ala el 3alama bta3et el BMW wel Mercedes we tetsagel fel ro7'sa bta3et el 3arabeya….we ay kalb ye7awel yesra2aha ba2a men 3arabeyet 3'alban (aw mish 3'alban awi, howa akeed el sara2 el 3alama howa el 3'alban bas 3ando 7ekd tabaky) bas 3amatan….el haye3mel kda….sa3et-ha mish haye3raf yetsaraf fel 3alama we hayseeb el nas fe 7alha ba2a!
6- I will BAN and FORBID the usage of internet, wel forga 3al television wel mokalmat fel mobile for more than 10 minutes and 5 sms er day…el 3ayzeen ye7ebo ba2a yetsarafo we yerga3o yeb3ato bareed….bas I will force people to read (and I will ban English books Kaman)…men el a7'er ana ha2dy 3al 2omeya el e7na feeha!!!!!! El internet ma7'alanash azkeya we lamo2a7'za da 7'alana a3'beya….mafeesh tafkeer, mafeesh lo3'a, mafeesh general knowledge….we just "google" whatever we want and then we get the answer we want to everything in life….te2olsh google dol waly men aweley2 Allah el sal7een! Fa men el a7'er el nas haterga3 le channel 1 we 2, we Nile Eucation we bas….we mafeesh any other source to the outside world 3'eer el newspapers (we 3ashan ar7am el nas shwya….ha7'aly journal el ahram yekteb correct and exact updated information)! DAMN THE TECHNOLOGY!!
7- Kol 3asaker el moroor will be deaf and mute….mish ha3ayen 3askary wa7ed bey3raf yetkalem….awalan 3ashan a7'la2 foras 3amal gedida le kol fe2at el sha3b we tany 7aga 3ashan for GOD'S SAKE ma7adesh yekoon tayeh we yeroo7 yes2af 3askary eno yemshy ezay!!!!! Maho e7na el bengeebo le nafsena ya ged3an….batalo tes2alohom….bas ana ha7el el moshkela men asas-ha we ha3ayenhom mabyenta2oosh kelma 7ata!! We 3ashan 7'ater el nas el day3a fel shaware3….I will activate the GPS services for free le kol mowaten!
8- Tamer Hosny…ha3melo karar lewa7do eno lazem yeroo7 el gym we ye7la2 sha3r sedro….da fe 7alet eno 3aayez ye2la3 el 2amees fe aflamo…laken law fedel bel kersh we sha3r el sedr dool….hamna3 el rekaba enaha te3red ay film men aflamo we a3'aneeh Kaman! Ya ema yetla3 ba2a fel aflam zy ba2eet 7'al2 Allah men 3'eer fat7et el 2amees ma tewsal el kersho we yebayen ba2a el balawy el benshofha deh….7aram walahi el bey7sal fel moshahed!
Ana shayfa eno kefaya keda fe awel youm sho3'l…mish 3ayza atawel 3al nas aktar men keda we ashofko fe youm gedid of my governmental duties! 3ammar ya Masr
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